What to do when your kids drive you crazyDear Deb,
I am embarrassed to say that my two kids are driving me crazy. They used to be so easy but now, I just don't know what to do. One is almost in second grade and the other will go to kindergarten in September. Either they are whining at me to play with them or they are fighting with each other. They have plenty of toys all over the house so I don't know why they won't go play and give me some space. I can't imagine what summer is going to be like.
Help!
Dear Help,
Sounds like you need help getting organized and setting up some new boundaries for the family. Being a parent is the hardest job you will ever have. Just when you think you have everything going smoothly the children grow into a new stage of development, their needs change and the old plan is no longer a good fit. Let's see what we can do to bring peace to your home.
As your children grow, they become more independent but still want to spend time with you. Take a good look at the children. What are their interests? Do they like to be outside? Is the kitchen a fascinating place for them to be? What activity would they choose to do on a sunny/rainy day? How about yourself, what are your passions? Chances are one or two of your interests will match up with theirs. If not, it is time for you all to spread your wings and try something of interest together. Plan one or two afternoons a week doing something together plant a vegetable garden, go for a bike ride, play ball, read a great chapter book snuggled under a blanket or a makeshift tent in the back yard.
What you do is not as important as the act of doing. If you would rather choose a special activity with one child at a time, make sure the other child is well occupied and knows they will have a special afternoon too. Knowing that you have made special time for the children will ease some of the whining. I think we have to remember that children whine from time to time. Adults do too but we have learned to fine tune our tone so now we nag and pester rather than whine!
Another suggestion is rather than have toys all over the house, organize them so the children can see what they have. This is a great job to execute together, not as a chore but as a way to find out what the children no longer have an interest in. Three bins ought to do it. One for each child to put toys to save and the other for toys to give away to a shelter for homeless families. This is a great way to remind the children of all they have and that some folks are not as fortunate. Once you have organized the toys, celebrate a job well done by working together to build a Lego masterpiece with all the Legos you found.
Yes, as an adult, you need alone time too! Once you have established "together time," you can also include "grown-up" time. Tell the children that you need one hour of time to work on the computer, read a book, etc. They should not interrupt you unless there is a real emergency (you need to decide how best to interpret that for you children; examples can be blood, fire or broken bones). In the real world you will probably have about 45 minutes, but that should be enough for you to feel refreshed and ready to move on.
Oh, one more thing. I promise you will cherish these moments with your children because in the not so distant future your children will be out with their friends and you will be the one whining (oh! I mean pestering) them for some special alone time.
Until Next Time,
Deb
Debbie Cohen is the Early Childhood Director at the Springfield Jewish Community Center. The JCC is a beneficiary agency of the Jewish Federation of Western Massachusetts and of the United Way of the Pioneer Valley. Everyone, including the general public, is welcome at this nationally-accredited preschool.
Do you have a question for Debbie? E-mail your inquiries to dcohen@springfieldjcc.org or send your inquiry to Debbie Cohen, Springfield JCC, 1160 Dickinson St., Springfield, MA 01108.
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