By G. Michael Dobbs
I know I should have written to you well before this time, but I’ve been a little busy myself in the past few weeks and I thought you might need some help figuring out some last minute Christmas gifts for folks.
Yes, I’m a believer, Santa, ever since you sent me a Western Union telegram delivered to our home at 104 Navajo Road in Springfield in 1960. I consider that concrete proof of your existence.
Of course, Santa, I hope you are out-sourcing as many of your gifts as possible from locally owned businesses.
Here is my list:
For the management at MGM: no wait, you’ve already given them a present and a big one.
For Mayor Domenic Sarno: no wait, you’ve already given him a present and a big one.
For Meghan Kelly: Santa, you’ve probably heard the controversy about FOX News talking head about your ethnicity and the racial background of Jesus. Could you please give her a good history book that details your origins and purpose and those of Christ? She may be shocked to learn that Jesus probably was not blonde, blue-eyed and six feet tall.
For the reader who likes to send me hate mail scrawled on pages from a yellow legal pad: a new pen and yellow legal pad. It’s sort of flattering in a perverse way that my column inspires such a deep and profound reaction from someone. I’m touched.
For every publicist who thinks Springfield is next door to Boston and therefore we should cover events there: a road map of Massachusetts.
For every movie company that sends me DVDs to review: a request for no more zombie movies. Please.
For my friend Brian Hale who runs the Bing Arts Center: a million bucks to help with the renovation of something the city needs.
For out-going Chicopee Mayor Michael Bissonnette: a smooth transition back to private life after a job well done. Oh and please congratulate him on his recent nuptials.
For in-coming Chicopee Mayor Richard Kos: a happy honeymoon period with his partners on the City Council. Oh, and please congratulate him on his recent nuptials.
For all of the national chains that opened on Thanksgiving: a sizable chunk of coal – like a mountain.
For everyone facing personal adversity during the season: a period of relief and a time to take a deep breath.
For the staff of Womanshelter/Compa ñ eras: enough funding to meet the needs of families suffering from domestic violence. In fact, Santa, could you give every nonprofit organization in the area that is working to improve the lives of the poor and disadvantaged a little extra something green in their stockings?
For the board of directors of the Greater Holyoke YMCA: a moment to understand the potential of the Farr mansion beyond being a parking lot.
For the various TV weathermen in our area: enough sedatives to keep them from hyperventilating during winter weather forecasts.
For various members of Congress: could they receive the understanding that sticking to ideologies instead of working together to find solutions to problems are only making our challenges worse? Oh, could I also give them a well-deserved dope slap?
For my two bosses at Reminder Publications: the ability to tolerate me one more year.
To my staff at Reminder Publications: the ability to tolerate me one more year.
To my wife Mary: the ability to tolerate me one more year.
Actually those last three are really for me.
Santa, Merry Christmas from one old grey-bearded fat man to another and merry Christmas to all of our readers and advertisers who celebrate the holiday.
Agree? Disagree? Drop me a line at firstname.lastname@example.org or at 280 N. Main St., East Longmeadow, MA 01028. As always, this column represents the opinion of its author and not the publishers or advertisers of this newspaper.