Ask Debbie:The column that answers your parenting questions each month
Dear Debbie,
I really hope you can help me. I have a three-year-old and a three-month-old. I am exhausted! I find myself waking up tired and falling into bed at night only to be woken up a few hours later by the baby. The laundry is piling up and the house is a mess.
I know things will get better but right now I am all stressed out. My husband works long hours too but I sure could use some of his help. I am just not sure how to ask him for help and how to get myself back to normal.
Thanks for your help.
~ Too Tired
Dear Too Tired,
Let me tell you one thing right from the start ... I am proud of you. Yes, proud of you for recognizing that you need help and are ready to ask for it. Being a mom to a newborn and a three-year-old is a huge task and should not be tackled alone.
Firstly I want to make sure you are eating right. You need three well-balanced meals plus two snacks (fruit and yogurt are great choices). Eating well will bring some energy back into your body. I am not too worried about exercise as I am sure you are kept very active running after your three-year-old, but a double stroller might be a good investment (look at the consignment shops for a good used one). A walk outside will do wonders for your physical as well as your mental health.
As far as the laundry and housework... RELAX. The laundry is a perfect job for your husband. Write up the directions, post them on the washer and dryer and let him at it (keep your fine washables separate!).
The housework can wait. My mom used to tell me "a spit and polish is all the house needs." I will modernize that for you to mean, "buy some of those all purpose cleaner wipes and give the bathroom and kitchen a quick swipe and you're good to go."
Another wonderful job for your husband is bedtime duty. He can give your three-year-old a bath and read some bedtime stories while you play with the baby. Once the stories are read you can join your husband for a family good night kiss. As soon as the baby goes to sleep, take yourself to bed too. Ask your husband for a nice back rub as you ease off to sleep.
Next I want you to turn to your friends. They can be a great source of help. Meet them at the park or the mall and while the children play, you bond over a cup of coffee and good conversation. Network together to find good babysitters and plan a ladies day out. Once a month is good but twice a month is even better.
Now here comes the hardest advice. If you are still feeling tired and overwhelmed talk to your Doctor, NOW. He/She can help you get over the hump. Remember we all need a little help now and then. You want to be the best mom you can be and the only way you can do that is to be the best you that you can be.
Until next time, be well.
~ Deb
Debbie Cohen is the Early Childhood Associate Director at the Springfield Jewish Community Center. The JCC is a constituent agency of the Jewish Federation of Greater Springfield and of the Community United Way of Pioneer Valley.
Do you have a question for Debbie? Email your inquiries to dcohen@springfieldjcc.org or send your inquiry to: Debbie Cohen, Springfield JCC, 1160 Dickinson Street, Springfield, MA 01108.
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