Ask Debbie:Dear Debbie,
My husband and I have two different opinions about my 4-year-old daughter Drew and her Boo Bunny. Drew carries the toy with her everywhere. I am okay with it but my husband thinks it is horrible. Boo Bunny seems to really calm Drew down when she is upset. I'm thinking if the toy helps, great. My husband thinks she will never be able to manage on her own. What do you think?
Stuck-in-the-middle mom
Dear Stuck,
Oh boy, this one hits close to my heart. For those of you who know me, stuffed animals are all over my house and office so Boo Bunny is always welcome in my home.
Let's take a look at us adults before we try to help out Drew. Both you and your husband need to take a look around your house and car. I would bet that there are special mementos all over the place that bring you pleasure just to look at. Or how about that favorite T-shirt or pair of jeans that should have been tossed out long ago but manages to find its way back into your wardrobe? These items bring you comfort during stressful situations. They remind you of good times when you were happy and in control. So that brings me back to Boo Bunny (or blankie, pacifier, diapie, or even the thumb,
get my drift?).
When a child holds on to a special item during a stressful time, s/he is learning to comfort himself/herself. In my opinion this is actually a sign of maturity and should be heralded by parents. The preschool aged child has learned several things. One, that the world can be a difficult place and two, that while mom and dad are the best comfort, they are not always available. This understanding can be very frightening. That little piece of stuffed cloth can and does conjure up safe, happy, calm memories for the child. This basically buys the child some time to catch his/her breath, gain control, relax, and get ready to move on. I know that sometimes having to find the lost Boo Bunny or having to go back home to get her feels like a waste of precious time, but truly you are showing Drew that she is important to you.
But now let's set up some ground rules for Drew and Boo Bunny. For the most part the bunny needs to be Drew's responsibility (remember we forget things in the car by accident too). Drew needs to pack Boo Bunny up for the day and tuck her in at night. Drew needs to carry her around and know of her whereabouts at all times. Of course accidents do happen so it might be a good idea to have a replacement bunny handy! Drew will let you know when she is ready for Boo to stay at home and go it alone, but for now it looks like you have a terrific twosome.
Until next time, be well. -Deb
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