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> Features > Ask Debbie > Ask Debbie: How to deal with elementary school bullying
Ask Debbie: How to deal with elementary school bullying
Dear Debbie,
My six-year-old son Ray is constantly being pushed around by the other boys in his first grade class. He comes home bruised up and scared to go back to school. I am so frustrated with his teacher and the school. My husband and I have always taught Ray (who is a big kid) to walk away from a fight, but honestly now I am ready to tell him to beat the other kids up if they bother him. I know that is not a good idea but I don't know what else to do.
Fighting Mad Mom
Dear Fighting Mad,
I am so glad you put pen to paper to write me instead of fist to face in the playground. Teaching Ray to fight back with his hands is only going to land him in trouble and not solve a thing.
Let me begin by telling you that I feel strongly that the schools need to keep our children safe. Talk to Ray to make sure that this is more than just rough and tumble playground play. You know your son best and if you believe this has moved beyond play fighting and bullying then you must step in to protect your boy.
Your first step is to let Ray's classroom teacher know what is happening at school. Ask for his/her help. Let Ray's teacher know that you are also going to speak to the principal of the school to let him/her know about the situation too. You need to be calm and clear when you talk to these people remember, you need them as allies. Tell them exactly what you told me: That, at this point, Ray is afraid to come to school. Be specific about when and where the pushing and shoving is happening. Be clear that Ray and the other children's safety is your utmost concern. Ask if you can speak to the school PTO and start a "parent patrol" that would help with supervision at drop off and pick up times. Perhaps some parents will volunteer to be extra recess supervisors. If this is happening to Ray I bet there are other children who are afraid too. I suspect that when you speak to the PTO, you will see lots of other parents nodding in agreement who would be ready to help
Be bold and ask the principal to make bully prevention a top priority in the school. In the meantime, perhaps he/she could speak to the first grade classes to talk about safety and what behavior is expected at and around the school grounds. Let the principal and the teacher know that you expect their help in protecting all of the children. Also let the teacher and the principal know you will get back to them to let them know the progress that has been made. The underlying thought here is that you will also let them know if there is no change. Ray will feel better just knowing that you understand and are there to take care of him, but if the bullying does not stop you must go back to the school administration and stand your ground. Bullying behavior must be dealt with for the safety of the whole school community.
One other thought for Ray. Try to find him a buddy to play with at school so he is not alone and a target for the bullying. You might want to enlist the teacher's help in finding a good fit for Ray or he might already have a friend he feels comfortable with. Encourage Ray to play with lots of children and away from the bullies. Ray will be less likely to be bothered when he is with other children.
First grade is a difficult time for children both academically and socially. They have just left babyhood and are entering childhood. They are always being told to be a "big boy or girl." I am proud of Ray for telling you how he feels at school and I am equally proud of you for standing behind him. Keep up the good work!
Until next time, be well,
Deb
Debbie Cohen is the Early Childhood Associate Director at the Springfield Jewish Community Center. The JCC is a beneficiary agency of the Jewish Federation of Western Massachusetts and of the United Way of the Pioneer Valley.
Do you have a question for Debbie? Email your inquiries to dcohen@springfieldjcc.org or send your inquiry to: Debbie Cohen, Springfield JCC, 1160 Dickinson Street, Springfield, MA 01108.
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