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> Features > Ask Debbie > Involving children in shopping may prevent tantrums
Involving children in shopping may prevent tantrumsDear Debbie,
I hear many parents say "I just left everything in the cart and we left the store when my son threw a tantrum." This is not an option for a full-time working mom whose husband works second shift. Often times, my four-year-old Jared's tantrum occurs as we are approaching the check out counter. Short of suggesting fellow shoppers wear ear plugs, is there an alternative to leaving the store when my son throws a tantrum?
Thanks for your help,
Time is Precious
Dear Precious,
Sounds like you have been doing a lot of shopping this holiday season. Sometimes shopping is fun (for instance looking for "out of this world" shoes or the newest Thomas the Tank Engine) but shopping can become a chore when we are simply buying groceries! Let's see if we can make even the most mundane shopping trip an exciting experience.
Firstly we should do a little background work. We as adults understand that going to the store involves choosing the items and then paying for them. We also understand that we need to work to earn the money to buy the items. I think it might be fun to help your son understand this too. No, I do not mean he will have to work to pay for his banana and Cornflakes, but how about having some simple chores that can lead to making a special purchase at the grocery store.
This is what I have in mind: You know what your child enjoys and what you will allow him to have as a special treat. You also know how much that special treat costs. Give Jared a few jobs over the upcoming week and tell him that you will pay him for his work and that he will be able to buy a treat at the grocery store. Explain to him that when you and your husband go to work you get paid for the work you do. That money then goes toward buying the groceries and other expenses for the week. Yes, this is a little over his head but it is an important conversation to have so consider this practice for when he is eight and you have the conversation again. Once he does his "jobs" and is paid a salary he will be ready to go shopping with you.
Make this a learning experience. Start with making out the grocery list. Jared can help you write down the list or he can find pictures of the foods you need in grocery store flyers. Compile the list together talking about the meals you are planning and thinking about what he might want to bring to school for lunch. When you are ready, strap in to the car and off you go.
At the grocery store let Jared take the lead and find the food on the list. I know that this is going to feel like it is taking forever but remember that the ultimate goal is to have a pleasant shopping trip. Once all the groceries are in the cart, including Jared's special items, you are ready to head over to the check out counter. Put out your groceries first and put a separator between the family's things and Jared's special items. Pay for the household goods and bag them up. Have Jared put his things on the conveyor belt and be responsible for paying. Have him bag up his things (use a recyclable bag too for an extra teachable moment!) and place the bag in the cart. He will feel truly proud of himself and so will you. Not only did you get through the grocery store without a tantrum; you taught Jared an important lesson about economics.
Until next time,
Deb
Debbie Cohen is the Early Childhood Associate Director at the Springfield Jewish Community Center. The JCC is a beneficiary agency of the Jewish Federation of Western Massachusetts and of the United Way of the Pioneer Valley.
Do you have a question for Debbie? Email your inquiries to dcohen@springfieldjcc.org or send your inquiry to: Debbie Cohen, Springfield JCC, 1160 Dickinson St., Springfield, MA 01108.
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