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> Features > Ask Debbie > Two separate tips for potty-training toddlers
Two separate tips for potty-training toddlers |
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By Debbie Cohen, Special to Reminder Publications
Dear Debbie,
My daughter Hannah will turn four in March. She is still not potty trained. She had shown interest a little while ago but now she won't even go into the bathroom without a struggle. I am going to have a baby in May and I was hoping to have only one in diapers. I already tried giving her stickers and candy, but that did not work.
Stuck-in-diapers Mom
Dear Stuck,
I too remember the days of two in diapers and it was hard and expensive but believe me, this too shall pass. But while you are waiting let's see what we can do. First you have to ask some hard questions of yourself and your child.
1. Is your child dry after nap or after a couple hours of play? That is usually an indicator that children are ready to start toilet training.
2. Does your child have enough communication skills (verbal or otherwise) to let you know when she has to use the bathroom?
3. Are you ready to make a commitment to this process? That means being at home or near a bathroom, having lots of changes of clothes, and even more patience then you thought you ever had. If you have answered yes to these questions, then you and your child are ready to take the challenge.
You can take two approaches: cold turkey or slow and steady. Both work and both take all the courage in the world. (Honestly, toilet training and teaching my children to ride a two-wheeler almost did me in!)
Cold turkey means no more diapers or pull-ups except at bedtime. You need to be ready with lots of encouraging words, extra clothes and cleaning supplies. Explain how excited you are to be working together with your daughter to help her grow up and be a big girl. Tell her that you both will visit the bathroom and sit on the potty many times during the day (about every 15 minutes until you reach some success; and then you can stretch the time to 30 minutes. The object is to have success in the potty).
When there is an accident, be calm and say, "Oops, we missed our chance to use the bathroom. We will catch it next time." No harsh words. This is hard work for Hannah and she needs to know it is okay to make a mistake. You will want to read stories or sing songs in the bathroom to make the time there pleasant and worthwhile for Hannah to want to stay on the potty. Try this during a weekend or when you have lots of time to spend and no distractions.
If after a few days you are not making progress and the frustration is mounting for both of you, switch to the slow and steady approach. Tell Hannah that learning to use the toilet is hard work. Let her know that she is making progress but right now she needs a little extra help. Try using pull-ups but use them as if they are underwear. The expectation is that she is going to use the bathroom but if she doesn't get there fast enough, she will have back up.
Again, you have to visit the bathroom every 15 to 30 minutes or so. Hannah will see how excited you get when she has toilet success and will want to please you again and again. You do not have to reward her with stickers or candy. How about a giant hug and kiss, a special potty dance, or the ever wonderful call to Grandma or special friend.
You have several months to help Hannah toilet train, but don't be surprised if she regresses once the baby comes. If she backslides a bit, use gentle reminders and she will get right back on track.
Until next time, be well.
Debbie
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