LONGMEADOW – Alexandra Perkins’s sits in the woods near Bay Path University with the wind blowing. She speaks in halted sentences, pausing and then hurrying to get the rest of the words out. Her gaze flits around the woods as she candidly tells the story of the time she nearly died there.

Perkins is the subject of filmmaker Joe Massa’s fourth installment of “My Suicide Story,” a series of interviews on YouTube with people who have survived suicide attempts. Massa was inspired to make the first video in the series when his close friend, Kenny Serrano, disclosed that he had attempted suicide.

“[Serrano]'s someone who is so physically intimidating,” Massa said he was shocked his friend “could have a moment of weakness.”

Massa had experience making short action films in high school and college and had previously worked with his brother on a fictional film about suicide titled, “Pressure.” Using his background, Massa sat down with Serrano and asked him about his experience on camera.

At the end of the video. Massa included an email address  for anyone who “would like to tell your story.” After he uploaded the video to YouTube in July of 2018, people across the country began contacting him to ask if they could share their experiences.

Massa, who lives in West Haven, CT., has filmed the stories of people in Connecticut, New York, and Massachusetts. The films follow a simple format in which the subject tells the audience about their history and background and what led them to attempt to take their lives. The descriptions of their experiences are graphic.

There has been controversy regarding “suicide contagion,” the idea that discussing suicide can glamorize it and lead to increased risk of “copycat suicides.” The U.S. Department of Health and Human Services states “direct and indirect exposure to suicidal behavior has been shown to precede an increase in suicidal behavior in persons at risk for suicide, especially in adolescents and young adults.”

While Massa said that he hadn’t considered that, he does display the following trigger warning on screen for 10 to 15 seconds before each person’s story.    

“Warning: My Suicide Story is an outlet for attempted suicide survivors to share their stories. This material may contain triggers for those affected by suicidal thoughts/tendencies. Episodes may portray graphic material and may contain explicit language.”

Massa filmed Perkins’s story in May of this year. Of the five videos in the series, her story has received the most views, 2,300 views. And people have responded to her story.

“She paints a picture with her words,” Massa said of the college student. He said people react to her story because she was “very candid, very raw” in her interview.

That rawness has taken its toll on Massa.

With the exception of Serrano, Massa said, “every time I film somebody, I take a little of their story with me and it stays with me.” Filming Perkins affected him deeply. “After Alexandra's story, it kind of did something to me, internally,” Massa said.

“I got to be honest, I don't know if I can continue this, absorbing that pain,” Massa said he wants to keep telling people’s stories, however, because he hopes the outlet he provides can help others at risk.

Mentalhealth.gov lists the following as warning signs of suicide:

•Talking about wanting to die or to kill oneself

•Looking for a way to kill oneself

•Talking about feeling hopeless or having no reason to live

•Talking about feeling trapped or in unbearable pain

•Talking about being a burden to others

•Increasing the use of alcohol or drugs

•Acting anxious or agitated; behaving recklessly

•Sleeping too little or too much

•Withdrawing or feeling isolated

•Showing rage or talking about seeking revenge

•Displaying extreme mood swings

If you or someone you know needs help, call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-TALK (8255). Trained crisis workers are available to talk 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. If you think someone is in immediate danger, do not leave him or her alone – stay there and call 911.