Panelists for Pride event field questions about navigating queer life

June 7, 2023 | Sarah Heinonen
sheinonen@thereminder.com

SPRINGFIELD — As part of Springfield’s Pride celebrations, high school students attended a panel discussion with six area professionals about being successful, healthy and queer.

The panelists were Cindy Breunig, director of the Support and Advocacy for Everyone (SAFE) Project, a program through U.S. Department of Justice Office of Violence Against Women Campus Program Grant that works on campus-wide trauma-informed response to support to students and staff experiencing domestic violence, dating violence, sexual assault and stalking; Grace Moreno, CEO of the Massachusetts LGBT Chamber of Commerce, Xiomara Alban DeLobato, vice president and chief of staff for the Western Massachusetts Economic Development Council, Mayrena Guerrero, licensed mental health counselor, CEO and founder of Colorful Resilience, an outpatient mental health service in West Springfield, which focuses on immigrants, first generation Americans, the LGBTQ+ community and Black, Iindigenous and people of color; Terrell Joyner, financial advisor and entrepreneur and Shannon Austin, founder of Black Sheep Yogi. The event was hosted by Kenneth Kyrell, owner Kenneth Kyrell Real Estate Group.

About 40 people — mainly teenagers with a few teachers — were in the audience at Scibelli Hall on the Springfield Technical Community College campus.

The event began with each analyst talking about what pride means to them. The terms “authentic self,” “self worth,” and “self-value” were mentioned by many of the panelists. Alban DeLobato said it meant “coming to terms with myself and embracing myself.” Both Guerrero and Joyner said it was a time when people could “take off that mask,” hold someone hand and be safe. “Some of us don’t feel safe,” Joyner said. Austin, the one ally on the stage, said that for her pride is the chance to learn about people within the LGBT community.

Kyrell asked the panel how parents, allies and family members can support the mental health of youth in the LGBT community.

“Younger folks are more aware of mental health,” Guerrero said, noting that the pandemic had shown a spotlight on it. she suggested that instead of minimizing a young person’s gender or sexual orientation, people around them should encourage them to seek out support and resources.
Moreno said it is more difficult to grow up now in terms of social media’s impact on bullying and a willingness to be anonymously cruel. she said going to therapy is a form of “self-care that is critical.”

Alban DeLobato told the high schoolers in the room, “find your people, the people that have your back no matter what.” She said having people who support you is important because “it is exhausting justify your existence every day.”

Guerrero you just did teens looking for resources visit colorfulresilience.com/mental-health-care-101, which is a blog post detailing resources for people struggling with their mental health. Joyner said parents should “practice what you preach and seek therapy” if you have a child or teen with mental health issues. “therapy as a journey. You learn to love all components of who you are.”

Breunig said small everyday things can help and to take time every day to check on each other.
Austin advised people to find something that gives them space and perspective from their worries and struggles. “Find something that lights you up,” and can be an outlet, she said, adding that, for her it was yoga.

Kyrell who noted that he had changed his mind about being a doctor in college, and instead became an entrepreneur. He asked the panel what should young people who want to be entrepreneurs know?

“Have that passion, but you have to grind it out,” Joyner said. “You can be passionate about anything but if you don’t know how to run a business, you’re going to fail. Sometimes, you’re going to fail, but failure is not the end.”

Moreno said, “The beauty of entrepreneurship is that if you find something you love and you do it better than anyone else, the money will come,” but she said the best part is “it doesn’t feel like work.” She also said building true wealth comes from entrepreneurship.

Austin commented that society will try to fill people with doubt about taking a leap. “Do it scared. Do it anxious, but do it.”

Kyrell asked the panelists about leadership. Breunig Said leaders create space to allow creativity and a “spark” in people.

Guerrero said self actualization is looking to be the best version of yourself and when people are physically, mentally and financially healthy, they can lead others. “You cannot pour water out of an empty cup. Make sure you’re full first,” she said.

The panelists then spoke about exercising their power. Alban DeLobato so today’s youth are a generation that live authentically, Whereas it was only in college that she began to find community.
A member of the audience said they believed community leadership is caring for people around you and giving direction because “some people really need that.”

Moreno said, “You got your own power. Nobody can empower you,” but other people may break barriers to help it be more comfortable to “walk in their own power.”

Kyrell’s final question to the panelists was, “What would you tell your younger self?”

Joyner said, “Our struggles make us who we are today,” and said he would not change anything.
“Everything does not have to weigh up on your own shoulders,” Moreno said she would tell herself. “The world is a crazy, hard place ... but let your shoulders rest.”

For Guerrero, it was telling herself that she had control — that she could stand up for herself or walk away from toxic people.

“Just because you love someone, does not mean you need to give them access to you,” Austin said.
Breunig said, “Sometimes, life throws a curveball that will knock you out. You’ll get up changed.” She said even when situations feel impossible or forever, life changes.

Alban DeLobato described herself as a proud “millennial disruptor.” She would tell herself not to be afraid to challenge authority “when something in my guy tells me it’s not right.”

A member of the audience asked how to make safe spaces more accessible. Guerrero said she created Colorful Resilience to offer a safe space and resources for people who need it.

Alban DeLobato said that from a leadership standpoint it means making sure everyone on the team is valued and seen, and to do that people have to be willing to engage in difficult conversations.

Similarly, Moreno said corporations have found that they lose talent if they are not inclusive. She said businesses are generally not fully altruistic in their motivations for diversity, equity and inclusion practices, but added, “I don’t care why they do it” as long as they do.

Moreno also said today’s youth are helping to create safe spaces by “holding onto your values” and demanding those spaces. “It’s not your to fix the system. It’s white people’s job to get with the program. It’s straight people’s job to get with the program. Keep demanding. Do not be afraid to say no to someone,” she told the audience.

Kyrell added, “Your generation also really understands the power of social media. Use that platform.”
One of the teachers in the audience said that students today “are so caught up in what people think about them. Social media has that other side of it that is not so pretty.” He said that he tells students that what other people think of them is the other person’s problem. “Springfield having a Pride parade creates the opportunities [the students are] talking about.”

Austin noted, “People who love themselves don’t pick apart others.”

Another student asked the panelists how to deal with homophobic parents. Guerrero and Moreno had both spoken about their family and themselves, respectively, trying to “pray the gay away” before accepting their queerness.

Alban DeLobato said that without many other people of color or queer people around her, she decided to immerse herself in education about what it meant to be a lesbian in the broader sense and then used that knowledge to educate her family and answer questions. That said, she emphasized that she does not continue relationships with people who refuse to make a good faith effort at acceptance.

Moreno said that now that she is a parent, she understands that her parents initial reaction to her coming out was one of worry. “They only had a TV version of being a lesbian. They thought I was going to shave my head.” Now that they see she and her wife and their children are a typical family, they have embraced them.

Guerrero cautioned people not to judge parents based on their first reaction to their child coming out.

“You’ve had months or years to think about it, they just heard it for the first time.” However, if they don’t come around, then people should gauge where in their life you want them to be.”

Joyner read a statement to the audience in which he spoke about always feeling a though he didn’t fully belong in any one community. As a biracial, bisexual person, he said he often felt he needed to hide parts of himself. Now that he is in his 30s, however, he has come to embrace himself.

“Let the past go,” he said. “Know that you are loved and know that you deserve to be the person you were born to be.”

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