Thanksgiving may be – next to Halloween,of course – my favorite holiday because when it is done correctly it is a low-keyed joy.

There’s a lot of pressure at Christmas or any other holiday in which giving is involved. With Thanksgiving, it is about fellowship and food.

That’s pretty basic but the simplicity can be beautiful.

I’m sure I like the holiday that way because I was raised in a small family with relatives located across the country; Thanksgivings were quiet. It was only when I got married that the holiday became larger and more complicated.

Like most young married couples, my wife and I danced that intricate dance with alternating between families. We spent the various holidays hopefully avoiding hurting anyone’s feelings.

Of course that wasn’t always the case.

It was with a great sense of relief that when we moved into our own home we felt our holiday shuffle was over. For most part it was. Although not prone to declarations, I proclaimed at the time if people wanted to spend Thanksgiving with us they would have to come here. I then asked for my sealing wax and signet ring.

For the most part that has held fast.

One of our best holidays was when I was managing Tower Theaters in South Hadley. I invited any of my staff who were “orphans” that year – many were students – and my wife and I hosted 18 people in all. We all had a good time and then some of the guests marched off to open the theater for the Thanksgiving screenings.

So here is my personal guide to enjoying Thanksgiving:

It’s great to spend the day with family but only with family you actually like. The family you create can often be more supportive then the family in which you were born.

There are two types of people at Thanksgiving: those who prepare the food and those who lay back and consume. There is no sin in simply being an appreciative audience.

Wear stretchy pants.

Stuffings, I’ve learned are like snowflakes and fingerprints – no two are alike. I bake cornbread and then add black olives, sweet onions, Bell’s turkey spice, raisins, and apples. I then add apple cider and bourbon before baking separately from the bird. Some years I’ve been told I put in too much bourbon as if there is such a condition.

There is no sin in using pre-made gravy. If there is, I’m going to hell.

If I had my way I would serve the dinner using paper plates to cut down on clean-up. In my house, more sensible heads prevail though.

The key to cooking a turkey is to avoid cooking it too little so your guests don’t come down with food poisoning and cooking it too much so your guest aren’t eating shoe leather. I have been seriously thinking of ordering a pre-cooked turkey. Call me lazy. I won’t mind.

For God’s sake, avoid conversations that would ruin one’s digestion. No single conversation is going to bring the light to your crusty old uncle. Oscar Wilde once wrote, “After a good dinner one can forgive anybody, even one’s own relations.”

Whatever are your traditions are, I hope your day goes well.